always, it's been you
by omgimwritingfanfics
Summary: Rin didn't mean to feel what he was feeling. The warm affection that rushed through him whenever he saw Haru always been ignored. Until Haru had left for a week long visit to his parents, and the space he had filled by Rin's side was a cold, empty hole. And Haru had never been one to reflect over his emotions, not until Rin said what he said, and Haru wanted to kiss him senseless.


**Thanks to shizuumi151 for beta-ing (find her on AO3 and tumblr with the same username)**

**Title taken from lyrics to 'Immer Sie', a DRAMAtical Murder soundtrack (a game I have sworn never to play but got totally sucked in by the OST)**

* * *

Rin stares at the letter, his hand shaking. Standing out in crisp black against the formal white of the paper are the words, '_Dear_ _Matsuoka-san, I would like to congratulate you on behalf of the Japanese Olympic Committee…_'

'_…you have hereby been accepted…'_

'…_and we look forward to seeing you in Tokyo next year._'

He reads the letter once, and again, and five times more. His thoughts are still scrambled all over the place. The paper flutters like a leaf in his grasp.

The front door creaks open, then is slammed shut. People are in the living room, talking, but he doesn't budge.

"Onii-chan! Where are you?" He can hear Gou's voice, but it doesn't quite reach him. Maybe he's gone into shock.

Her voice grows louder. "Sorry we took so long, Okaa-san was distracted by the shoe sale," his door opens, "but I bought you something to make up for it."

His eyes are still trained on the word '_accepted'_, wide like a deer in the headlights. Slowly, ever so slowly, he lifts his head to look at Gou. "I," he starts but the words won't come out.

She frowns in confusion and walks over to his desk, tossing a plastic bag on his bed. "What's wrong?"

His hands tighten on the letter, crumpling it a bit, and her gaze immediately shoots downwards. "Hey, what's that? Olympics…?" she snatches the letter and scans it, Rin watching in silence as her face transitions from worried to overjoyed. He could swear her eyes are glowing.

"_Onii-chan_!" she shrieks, before tossing the paper aside and launching herself on him in a giant hug. "_Oh my God, you did it_! _You did it_!"

An exclamation comes from down the hall, and hurried footsteps are heard. Rin feels the edges of Gou's excitement crack his numbed exterior. "Yeah."

His mother is in the doorway, looking inside quizzically. Rin hugs Gou back, his grin feeling like it could split his face in two.

"Yeah, I did it."

†

He calls Haru immediately after his shock has dissipated, yelling into his mobile excitedly. "Don't avoid it, I know you got the letter too!"

"_I did._"

"Show some more enthusiasm, Haru-chan!" He feels light and bubbly, not at all like a twenty-two year old adult. He feels like he could be doing _cartwheels_.

"_…Hurrah_."

"Your sense of humour sucks ass, you know?" he says, but he's laughing anyway. Going to the Olympics was one thing, but going _with Haru_ was another. He could just picture them both getting the gold.

"_Makoto's calling. You want to be put on hold?_"

"You'd forget I was even there. Nah, just tell him that you're both coming over to my place tonight, 'kay?"

"_Okay_."

A sharp _blip_ ends the call, and Rin is left smiling giddily into the empty air, before he quickly recollects himself and starts to dial Nagisa.

†

There's a phone call for him, in the evening when Rin is in the living room surrounded by his family and friends. He's sandwiched between the couch's armrest and Haru, who really is only being pressed onto him because of Nagisa squishing next to Makoto on the other side.

"Nii-chan, you got a call!"

He looks up, not noticing Haru's eyes dart toward him, and takes the phone from Gou. He moves outside to the verandah, ridiculously missing the warmth of Haru's body lined up against his. "Matsuoka Rin, who's this?"

"_I'm not Matsuoka Rin, sorry, did you get the wrong number?_" It's unmistakably Seijuurou.

"Shut up."

There's a short chuckle on the other end of the line. "_So, a thing or two may have come in the mail today.._."

"You too?" Rin blurts, before shaking his head. Of course Samezuka's previous captain would have made it. When Rin had entered the Japanese national swimming team a year after his graduation, Seijuurou had already obliterated the 400m freestyle record.

"_Say no more, Matsuoka Rin, I know you were accepted too_."

"Did you expect anything less?" Rin smirks.

"_Honestly? Nope_." Seijuurou's frankness has him fumbling for words, but luckily for Rin his teammate doesn't seem to be waiting for him to say anything.

"_I won't ask after Haruka, he was a given._" Rin can't disagree with that._ "You know my new place? I want to have a celebration party in there, oh, the Saturday after this? Dress code'll be strictly formal. I want to wear a suit_."

"Fine with me. I look good in a suit."

Another snort. "_Whatever you say._" Seijuurou hangs up.

Rin re-enters the house, tossing the phone over to Gou, who squeaks and fumbles before clutching it to her chest. "Seijuurou invited us all over to his place next Saturday for a celebration party," he tells them all, settling back onto the couch with difficulty. "Dress formal. Tuxes, et cetera, I'm guessing."

"Now I need to buy new clothes," Gou muttered to herself, wandering back into the kitchen.

"Didn't you just do that today?" Rin yells to her back, well aware she wouldn't reply.

Makoto laughs lightly. "Rin, how about we play some games? Just like the old times, remember?"

"The last time we had an actual sleepover was, I don't know, a few months ago. Don't go making me feel like I have wrinkles."

"A sleepover doesn't count if we were too drunk to remember it!" Nagisa chirped. Nagisa and Rei had visited Iwatobi from Osaka. They had all gone to a club to celebrate Nagisa's job offer at a new popular talk show, and things had gone downhill. Rei shot him a pointed look.

"_I_ wasn't drunk."

"So you remember _everything_ from that night, Rei-chan?" Nagisa waggles his eyebrows.

Rei flushes.

With a giggle—Rin thinks Nagisa could be eighty years old and still giggle—the blonde jumps off the couch to where Rei is sitting on the carpet, and wraps his arms around him.

Despite the newfound room, Rin notices that Haru barely edges away. Something about that makes him swallow a tiny bit harder.

They haven't actually met together like this for ages, each one too busy with their jobs. Rin counts his lucky stars that Rei and Nagisa are back in town for visit; their occupations in Osaka usually keeps them only one Rin saw on an almost daily basis was Haru, but even though he had grown so used to the other's presence Haru still brought that unique electricity to their races, to his swimming. He'll never get tired of that, Rin reflects.

So, their gathering is nice, giving him a satisfied, happy feeling. The light-hearted teasing and intense sharing stretches into the night, and it's eleven thirty when Rei reluctantly says that he and Nagisa have to leave because they have an early start the next day.

Rin sees the two to the door, thanks them for coming, and tosses their coats in their faces. "Go on, get out of here, troublemakers." Nagisa tears the jacket off his head and pokes his tongue out. Rin turns around and waves. "Save it for Rei," he teases, and shuts the door firmly.

Makoto makes it to twelve A.M. before he starts nodding off on the couch. Haru, who Rin had been talking with quietly for the better part of the hour, exchanges a look with him. "I think I need to get him home," Haru says, almost apologetically. A relatively new emotion for him, Rin thinks with a little bit of amusement.

They manage to nudge Makoto awake long enough for him to stumble out to Haru's car. Once they hear the car door shut, Haru picks up his bag from the living room and lingers on the verandah. He tells Rin he's going to visit his parents in Tokyo.

"It'll only be for a week. I'm leaving the day after tomorrow. I'll be back in time for Seijuurou's party."

"I should hope so," Rin punches his arm lightly, feeling a strange fondness in the gesture. "You still can't best me in a sushi-eating contest. Wouldn't you of all people want a rematch?"

Haru scowls. "I _can_ best you," he insists. "In everything."

Rin cocks an eyebrow, then laughs delightedly. "Strong words, Haru-chan!"

"I'm twenty-three. Don't call me that."

"_Gomennasai, Nanase-senpai_," Rin bows exaggeratedly from waist-down, in an imitation of Nitori from days long past. When he glances up he does _not_ expect a tiny smile to be flitting about Haru's lips, and it causes an unexpected lurch in his gut.

"Idiot," Haru says.

"Takes one to know one," Rin replies childishly, straightening. Haru rolls his eyes, but the small smile is still there. It's suddenly hard to breathe.

"I'll be going now," Haru says, and turns. "Thanks for the drinks and everything. See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah." He flashes a grin despite the strange emotions flitting about his heart. "See you later."

Despite the cool night air, he feels warm. He watches Haru's retreating back, certainly not realising what the following week holds in store for him.

Because the year is 2019, and the eve of the new decade holds promise as eternal as the sky.

†

Haru doesn't really mind his parents' company, but it's not something he would go out seeking intentionally. Although showing him affection, his father is more money than family-driven, and his mother's much the same. To their friends, they're typically known as a 'power-couple' of sorts.

Having grown up this way, Haru rather prefers being alone in the Iwatobi house, although maybe a consequence of this isolation was that it made making friends difficult—he felt companionship wasn't important. Lucky for him, Makoto's both persistent and kind.

Now in the huge city of Tokyo, Haru only finds himself wanting to return to the small fishing town. After heartily congratulating him on his success of being accepted into the Olympics, his father tells him his plans for Haru to accompany them to some social events to 'get a taste of the real world,' and his mother wants to have a face to face discussion about his future. His _future_.

The year is 2019, and he still doesn't know what he wants in life.

"What do you want to do after swimming, honey?"

Haru didn't like to think that far ahead. He knew someday he'd have to give up his competitive swimming career, but until that day came he preferred to pretend that issue wasn't there.

"What are you friends employed in?"

"Makoto's a kindergarten teacher in Sano SC. Nagisa's a talk show host. Rei's a physics scientist." Haru lists them off methodically. "Rin's part of Japan's national swim team with me. He's going to the Olympics next year as well."

As his parents erupt into an enthusiastic discussion of how successful his friends' careers sound (skirting around Makoto's), Haru can only focus on the lonely pang in his heart when he mentioned Rin. He's only left the country once or twice with the national team along with Haru, but the Olympics? Everyone knows there are people at the Olympics who have their eye out for certain athletes, people from overseas. Haru has no doubts that Rin would surpass their expectations, but what then? What if he accepts their offers?

If they ask after him, Haru knows he would decline. But Rin's fire has always carried him beyond the top; his very will is so much more potent. Will he be willing to leave?

He doesn't want Rin to leave. He doesn't want Rin to leave _him_.

The thought comes out of nowhere, and shocks him like someone has thrown cold water in his face. Haru stands up abruptly from the table where he's been sitting with his parents. "Need to use the bathroom."

In there, he does splash cold water on his face over the sink, and stares in the mirror. Why does he care so much about whether Rin leaves? He's growing up, they're both growing up, isn't it only natural for people to follow their own paths?

He didn't want Rin to leave him in elementary school, and he was terrified of losing him when he witnessed Rin shouting at Nitori in the hallway at regionals. But this feels different, somehow.

It's like…he can't _bear_ for Rin…

Haru cuts off the thought sharply. He isn't utterly dependent on Rin for his personal growth, he knows that. He can find himself _by_ himself, with help from others. But Rin…

_He's an important part of your life_, his mind whispers to him as he goes downstairs to the table, where his mother looks up with a warm smile.

Haru is only unsettled.

He's slightly afraid of returning to Iwatobi.

†

"Matsuoka, _speed it up_!" Coach Tanaka yells, her voice booming through the air and reaching Rin's ears even as he cuts through the water. He clenches his jaw and churns his arms faster, but by the end of his lap it turns out it was his kick Tanaka is concerned with.

"You aren't moving your hips correctly, Matsuoka, and I think you know that," she bites out. "Get your times back on track within the week or I'll be forced to resort to extreme measures."

He knows he wouldn't be pulled out of the Olympics—even when he's got things on his mind, his times are still pretty impressive—but he knows he can do better and so does Tanaka. Threats are a favourite of hers, and even if she doesn't always fulfil them to what she promises she still makes sure something happens.

The thing Rin knew he's lacking, though, is Haru's presence in the next lane over. Hell, even Haru's presence in the damn _building_ would give him a sliver more motivation. Once Rin had been afraid he was too dependent on his friend, but once Makoto had confided in him he thinks Rin and Haru benefit from each other, and Rin likes going with that.

Rolling his shoulders, he clambers out of the pool and goes back to the starting block. _You can do it…for…_ He kicks off in a perfect dive.

At the end of his 100m spurt, Tanaka looks at her stopwatch, then nods at him. "Getting there."

†

The stadium they practice at is an hour and a half away from home by train. It's not where the whole team attends—that's somewhere near Yokohama—but it provides for members in the Iwatobi prefecture and surrounding regions.

In the middle of the week, after leaving the stadium, Rin is lost in aimless thoughts and looks behind him to suggest to Haru maybe they hit the convenience store. Haru, of course, isn't there.

Rin catches himself and flushes, discreetly trying to see if anyone noticed. Turns out the street's empty, but that only accentuates the cold sting of loneliness he feels.

Several times on the way to the train station he notices several things and is about to start several conversations, ending up with him swearing to himself and earning a strange look from the 7-Eleven cashier. Snatching up his bag of onigiri, he scowls straight back and marches out, more irritated with himself than anything.

Not feeling the slightly shorter figure next to him, not seeing the sweep of raven hair and flashing blue eyes, causes him to feel…displaced.

It doesn't feel right, to not have Haru by his side.

Or maybe, he unconsciously considers later, as the rocking of the train lulls him into a half-sleep, it doesn't feel right not to be by Haru's side.

†

That night golden light filters down through the overhanging foliage of a cherry blossom tree, and Rin is reluctant to open his eyes.

He's lying on his back next to the tree, soft grass making the perfect carpet beneath him. There's a whisper of something on his cheek, a petal, maybe? But it isn't time for them to be in bloom…Rin still doesn't want to crack open his eyelids. He feels if he does, the moment will be sucked away forever.

Because what really makes everything fit together like the pieces of a puzzle is the feeling of someone lying beside him.

And he knows it's Haru.

"_You didn't have to come here with me_," he hears himself say.

"_I wouldn't leave you alone_," is the reply, and Haru's voice isn't flat like usual but achingly tender.

Something fills his heart. "_I did, once_."

"_You wouldn't again._" He felt fingers stroke against his cheek and he leans into the touch, the feelings in his chest brimming to an overflow. Does Haru know how true his words are?

He opens his eyes, and fixes upon Haru's blue ones. They are filled with so much affection he can't breathe. The blue grows deeper, larger, until Rin is drowning in it, floating upon the waves, and there is no such thing as time.

Rin wakes up slowly, his mind not quite working. He brings up his hand to scratch his cheek, looks at his fingers, and flashes of his dream rush back to him.

"Shit," he mumbles, burying his face into his pillow. His heart is pounding in his ears. "Shit crap fuck _shit_."

Panic flutters around his chest at the thought of Haru's return.

†

Seijuurou likes going overboard with the formal thing, Rin finds out as soon as he steps into the apartment with Gou on the Saturday evening. His place isn't huge, but it's large enough to host the forty or so people milling about. Soft lighting and candles give the living room a quiet glow, there is a table with platters of—Rin can't tell, maybe that French thing? Ho d'veras? Whatever it is, it sure isn't sushi.

Seijuurou waves him toward a chair next to Nitori Aiichirou, whom he hasn't seen in a few years. Spying a girl with a deadpan expression that could rival Haru's, he waves her over energetically. "This is my sister, Hina." He snatches a flute of champagne off the tray Hina's holding, and hands it to Rin. "She doesn't want to be here." Hina looks at Rin, says 'congratulations' emotionlessly and walks away.

Gou leaves his side quite quickly to go talk to a few girls on the other side of the room who she seems to recognise. Rin watches her go, then tunes into Nitori's enthusiastic congratulations. He's gone from a short bony kid to a taller, leaner adult, but the bowl haircut hasn't changed a bit. Rin enquires after that with a smirk, to which Nitori wrinkles his nose and says he had a different hair cut, but his brother hijacked his latest appointment.

"He recommended me his own hairdresser for an appointment. It was the first of April. I should have known."

Rin guffaws. "You're still that naive?"

They talk for about half an hour, with Rin constantly glancing toward the door whenever he heard a sound. Haru's not here yet.

Rei arrives with Nagisa. Nagisa hugs him. His lungs are subsequently crushed. Neither Makoto nor Haru came with them.

Makoto arrives at eight thirty, profusely apologising for his lateness, accompanied by a brown haired girl with light, clear green eyes. Gou squeals and the girl squeals and they throw their arms around each other like they're teenagers, not twenty-two.

Rin can't help frowning when he notes the lack of a certain swimmer. Makoto smiles reassuringly.

"He's on his way," he said in an undertone. "He was asleep when I called him."

"Not in the bath? Weird," Rin mocks lightheartedly, but Makoto's removed a weight he's been carrying on his shoulders.

At the same time, he places a greater panic into his mind.

During the week of Haru's trip, Rin had been feeling his absence more and more profusely, and it confuses and embarrasses him to no end. He dreamed more frequently of his—friend?—and each time woke up feeling the afterglow of profound fondness, only emphasised by wistfulness. Then he collected himself and punched his pillow in frustration. Right now, though, he feels like punching a wall.

Rin stands up, clutching the flute in his hand. "I need a bit of air," he says to Nitori's questioning look.

"O-oh, sure, there's a balcony out there, I think." He points to a pair of glass sliding doors that Rin heads towards, his head spinning.

The fresh air is like a breath of sanity. He feels himself calm down somewhat, although the anxiety still abounds in his stomach. He stays out there, leaning on the railing, staring into space for who knows how long. He knows Haru is coming.

He hears the door slam, hears Seijuurou shout, "Haruka!" jovially, but can't bring himself to budge. Haru will come out here eventually, he can feel it.

†

Haru only wants to escape the many shouts of 'congratulations' and find some quiet, some quiet and Rin. He hasn't seen the familiar red hair or sharp grin ever since he entered and that fact is gnawing away at him.

Tokyo turned out to be relatively uneventful and he left without feeling any regrets. The plane was delayed and left at one A.M instead of ten P.M., and since Haru couldn't sleep on planes he had slept like the dead as soon as he got home, with barely a thought about the party or his friends. When Makoto called him, however, thoughts of Rin had hit him like a bullet and he had scrambled out of bed.

It's hard to escape the press of people, until he finally gets someone's attention long enough to ask where Rin is, and they direct him outside.

They reunite on the tiny balcony outside Mikoshiba's fourth-floor apartment. There is silence for a while, until Rin breaks it.

"It feels like its been months since I last saw you," he confesses, fiddling with the knot of his tie. Haru can't help but notice how good he looks in a suit.

"It's only been—" he tries to say, but Rin cuts him off.

"I _missed_ you."

Haru's mouth opens, then closes. His brain is suddenly alive with a million things but he knows nothing would come out coherently. Rin, on the other hand, starts babbling.

"Of course I missed you idiot, I haven't got anyone to swim with now have I? Coach reckons I've been all over the place lately and then she thinks it's because of you, but what would she know, all she ever does is—"

"Rin. I missed you too." He doesn't place quite as much emphasis on it as Rin did, but it still shuts the redhead up.

"I—ah."

They look at each other in silence for a bit, and then Rin ducks his head away, flushing, and leans on the railing. The view is beautiful—the stars stand out against the velvety darkness of the night sky, while in the horizon the crescent moon's light glints off the ocean water.

Rin lets out a little sigh, Haru thinks it's involuntary. "Something on your mind?" he asks him.

A suspicious smile curls Rin's lips. "Just thinking."

"You could afford to do that more often."

"Oh _really_? Are you sure about that?"

Something in his voice has Haru backing away, his hands raising to defend himself. "Don't you da—"

Rin lunges forward, aiming for his ribs, and Haru gasps at the contact and struggles to get away. Rin's successfully tickling him through two, no, three layers of fabric, and it's killing his lungs to hold in his laughter. Tingles that maybe have nothing to do with the tickling are sparking his bloodstream alive.

"Ha," Rin says victoriously, when Haru is helpless with it, and torn between collapsing on the railing and punching him in the face, "I remember the right spots."

Haru straightens, wheezing and embarrassed. "You're not the only one," he manages, before evading Rin's fingers and darting behind him, finding his waist and poking, just, _there_. For a moment Rin stands tense and unresponsive, but his facade soon dissolves into wild laughter and he's fighting to wriggle out of his hold.

Too bad for Rinrin though, Haru thinks with triumph. He wiggles his finger on Rin's hipbone, and Rin jerks. Haru's distracted from tickling him just to clamp his arms around Rin to prevent him from escaping.

"Haru–let–me–go–!" Rin huffs out, trying to twist out of Haru's arms, and only succeeds in wrenching himself around so they're face to face, cheeks flushed and hair mussed, breathless from laughter. His suit is rumpled and his eyes are so very bright.

He's so close. Impossibly, almost painfully beautiful, and he's too close…

Rin's lips are soft, parted in surprise.

Their kiss is warmth and light, the clean-slightly-salty _taste_ of Rin sinks into Haru, his musky scent pervades his senses. He wants to chase down the sensations, hold them close to his heart and never let them go, because Rin is intoxicating. He is breathing in the cold night air and kissing Rin harder, he is hearing a moan reverberate up his throat and feeling Rin's tentative fingers curl themselves in his hair. He realises it without surprise—

Rin is _everything_ to him.

He pulls away ever so slightly, so when he speaks he can still feel Rin's lips brushing against his. "I think I—" he starts, then stops. "I—"

Rin's hands come to rest on either side of his face. "Me too," he says softly, before reaching forward for another kiss.

The year is 2019, and Haru knows he is in love.

†

Haru wills his arms to move faster in the last leg, to cut through the water and propel him cleanly forward. And before he knows it, his palm has hit the wall, sending a sting through his wrist.

He lifts his head above the water, gasping for breath, and tears his goggles and swimming cap off. Slowly, slowly, he raises his eyes to the scoreboard.

_Nanase Haruka: 1_

He can only blink a little in disbelief, and then he's being yanked out of the pool by strong, determined arms, and without caring about his wetness Rin crushes Haru to his chest. "You won. God, Haru, you _won_." He's laughing and crying and when he looks at Haru there's such _pride_ in his eyes, such _love_, that Haru can't do anything but hug him back even tighter. He's _not_ crying.

Rin's lips are moving against his ear, his hot breath sending tiny shocks racing across Haru's skin. "I _knew_ you could do it."

And then Rin is kissing him, kissing him right before the massive crowd, kissing him on national television, kissing him in front of the world.

He has never felt this complete.

†

The year is 2020, and they become one with gold medals hung heavy around their necks.


End file.
